But what if I need a million dollars to survive?
The craziest question a client ever asked—and what it says about financial security
Burnt Out? Stuck? You're Not Broken
–
Find Your Discernment
–
Click Here To Work With Me
–
Burnt Out? Stuck? You're Not Broken – Find Your Discernment – Click Here To Work With Me –
There’s a particular joy in coaching that I wasn’t expecting. To be fair, I should have been expecting it, but, well…I wasn’t.
Coaching—especially decision and discernment coaching—gives the coach a unique and privileged view into people’s stories. It’s a view I never had, even as a cancer surgeon.
I get to peek under the hood of how people make the most consequential choices in their lives—and then I get to see how those choices go, how often they follow through, what they’re proud of, and how they get stuck.
There’s a client whose story I talk about all the time. We’re going to call him Josh. (His name and details have been changed.)
Josh is a surgeon and has been one for 7 years when I first meet him. He’s from San Francisco; born, bred, trained, and now working in one of the most expensive cities in the nation.
He doesn’t like his job. To quote Wendy Dean’s book If I Betray These Words,
The healthcare system that clinicians imagined they would be working in when they began their professional training is not only markedly different than what they had hoped for, it is at odds with their internal sense of morality.
Josh describes it the same way. The reasons that drove him into surgery were not the same reasons the surgical system existed. He hates that he’s shackled to a system that’s at odds with his own internal sense of morality.
But, let’s be honest, surgeons in the US make a lot of money. As I do with everyone on our first coaching call, I start unpicking the factors that have stopped him from even making the slightest change. Why, I ask him, is he still doing something he hates with a purple passion?
“Look Mark, I make $400,000 a year—and honestly that’s just not enough. I need to be making even more than that.”
Before we go on: I work with people on guiding them through their most difficult decisions. Find a discernment coach here ↓
“Say more?” I prompted.
“I really feel like, to be middle class in this city, you need to make a million dollars a year or more.”
I paused.
“It’s just how it is,” he continued. “Like, for example. I want to get married, and that means I’ve got to date. You know, I don’t need to take my dates to extravagant places, but I do want to do something memorable. And if I want to find a partner in this crazy city, I’m going to need to date a lot.”
He continued. His income quintupled the year he got out of residency (because residents get paid next to nothing), and he reacted in completely understandable ways—even if they, long-term, haven’t served him.
He bought a Maserati.
He bought a Haight Ashbury apartment.
He took himself on a business-class trip to Thailand.
All of which meant he was $300,000 in debt.
“Now you know why I need to make a million a year just to be middle-class”
Photo by Andre Taissin on Unsplash
As a decision and discernment coach, I am deeply agnostic about what people’s goals are. Do you want to make an impact in the world? Spend more time with your kids? Make a million dollars a year?
Whatever your goal is, it’s my job to help you understand how to get there. So, I dug a little deeper.
I asked Josh if he’d ever sat down, pen to paper, to figure out how much money he actually needed to be making. Was the million dollar goal a gut sense? Something he’d read? Or was it something he’d calculated?
He got quiet.
“No,” he said. “No, I haven’t.”
“That’s fair…why do you think you haven’t?”
He hesitated again. “Honestly, Mark?”
“Yeah…”
“It’s terrifying. Everyone is mad at me for how I spend money. My dad has cut me off. My brother has too. My friends don’t want to go out to dinner with me because I don’t always pay them back. They pretend it’s okay but I know it’s not. Any time I even think about opening a budgeting app, I choke.
“I’m over $300,000 in debt, and I couldn’t even tell you where my money goes.”
In the end, Josh decided—for money reasons—he couldn’t afford coaching. But about six months later, our conversation popped into my head. So I reached out. How was his search going for something that worked better for his lifestyle, I asked.
“Great to hear from you!” he wrote back. “I’m actually trying to make a big career decision right now!”
He’d been offered a position in a new, concierge-oriented surgical practice, where he was guaranteed to work no more than 24 hours a week.
And he’d make—I’m not making this up—three million dollars a year.
“Incredible!” I wrote back. (And silently thought, man, if you don’t take this job, can I have it?)
“Yeah, but I can’t decide! Should I take it? It feels too good to be true, and besides, I’m not sure the finances would work out.”
I asked him for details and he chuckled, “Mark, you know I struggle with that.”
After a lot of back and forth, Josh didn’t take the job. Not because it felt too good to be true, but because of an inchoate fear that the extra income would drag him further into a debt he couldn’t, emotionally, bring himself to figure out.
Josh is not alone. No budgeting app ever admits it, but navigating your finances is more than just numbers on a page. It is deeply emotional.
Making consequential decisions can sometimes push against financial security, and the fear of its opposite. And yet, for so many of us—myself included—opening a budgeting app triggers a rush of anxiety.
That’s what we’re talking about this month. How do you career decisions when even talking about finances makes you choke?
I will introduce a more mindful approach to the terrifying specter of financial insecurity. In next week’s dorky-science post, we’ll unpick emotional salience and decision-making. And then week 3 will give you a step-by-step, heart-centered, approach budgeting.
Meanwhile, I’d love to hear from you!
What do you think is going on with Josh?
Have you felt the same things?
If you’ve gotten a handle on your finances, what techniques have you used?
What advice would you give Josh?
Leave your comments below, and I’ll see you next week!
Consequential decisions aren’t easy.
If they were, you wouldn’t struggle with them!
The good news is, you don’t have to navigate them alone. Work with a decision science coach who knows how to guide you to a life you’re madly in love with again.
→ Check out my packages here. They range from 4 weeks to a year, and they take you from “what the heck do I do next?” all the way to clarity and a step-by-step plan that honors both your calling and your right to thrive. Click here to apply!
→ Want more FREE weekly content about making consequential life choices with confidence and clarity? Join my mailing list!